The Difference between Solitude and Loneliness
Recently, I watched a Korean movie about a single, successful but ruthless female lawyer who was killed in a car crash and could only gain her life back by agreeing to lead the life of a housewife who was married to a mediocre husband with two children for one month. The new lifestyle was in stark contrast to what she knew, but the experience turned out to be the turning point in her life. (For those of you who are interested, the movie is titled “Wonderful Nightmare”.)
I enjoyed the movie tremendously, and afterwards, a question popped into my mind, “If I have the chance to lead the life of anyone else on Earth, whose life would I choose to experience? Someone rich and powerful? The happiest person in the world? The most beautiful? The richest?” My imagination ran wild as I allowed myself to answer the question honestly and freely. However, none of the above felt right. The answer came to my mind and I knew without a doubt that if I had the chance to lead the life of anyone on Earth for one month, I would choose to lead the life of the most spiritually awakened person, whoever he or she might be. I yearned to see our world through his/her eyes and to fully experience life in an awakened state. What would it feel like? Would I change for the better after this experience?
I closed my eyes and commenced meditation (our meditation technique is described in detail in this article here).
The scene in my mind soon transformed...
I was now driving on a long, narrow road. To my surprise, I was seated on the left side of the car, in contrast to my current place of residence in real life where drivers were seated on the right. The window next to me was wound down. My right hand was on the steering wheel, and I rested my head on my left arm which was propped against the open window, enjoying the cool breeze. I felt vividly alive and was fully immersed in the moment.
Some time passed before I realized that I was a tall lanky Caucasian man in my late twenties, dressed in a white t-shirt and faded blue jeans. I looked into the side mirror and saw that I had clean-cut features and short, thick blonde hair. The car I was driving appeared well-used.
Suddenly, I noticed a brown object in the middle of the road. I narrowed my eyes for a clearer look, as I slowed down my car to a stop. It was a wounded puppy! There was a nasty gash across the right side of its abdomen, and the blood was already dried. It seemed like he was hit at least a few hours ago. Thankfully he was still alive. I retrieved a blanket from my car and gently lifted the puppy onto the blanket, and carried him onto the passenger seat.
I drove on for a while before I turned right into a narrow dirt road bordered by tall trees. It appeared that I stayed in a secluded area. Finally, I reached the end of the road. Before me was a modest house in the middle of an open area, surrounded by pristine forest. I shouted out to someone that I was home, unloaded the groceries I bought from the back seat of the car, and brought them into the kitchen. It turned out that I stayed with a housekeeper, who was a plump, motherly lady in her fifties. I grabbed the first aid kit, and told her that I would join her for dinner later.
I bundled the puppy with the blanket and carried him into the barn. I laid him down on a table, inspected the wounds and the rest of his body. I proceeded to clean up the wound with antiseptic wash. He whined but did not move much. Luckily the wound was not too deep and there were no other visible injuries. I trimmed the hair around the wound, applied some antibiotic cream and dressing to it. The puppy opened his eyes, and I patted his head. I cupped some water in my right hand and held my hand near to its mouth. He licked the water gratefully. I placed him gently on a mat on the floor and positioned a bowl of water near him, then I asked the housekeeper for some meat and placed it next to his water.
After dinner with my housekeeper, I had a bath and sat down at my desk to do some work. My room was small with a single-sized bed, a wooden desk and a modest wardrobe. There was only a laptop on my otherwise bare desk. Minimalism was my style, it seemed. I starting working briskly on my laptop, concentrating intensely on my work. However, the contents of what I was doing were unclear to me.
It was bedtime. I thought of the little puppy and gathered he must be frightened to be alone in a strange place by himself. Knowing that the housekeeper did not like stray animals in the house, I brought him back into my room stealthily and made a spot for him at the end of my bed. He licked my hand and snuggled into the warmth of his blanket.
The next morning, I placed him back into the barn before the housekeeper could nag at me. I dressed up in a suit, grabbed an envelope with a stack of papers in it and dropped a thumb drive into the envelope. They appeared to be related to the work I was doing last night.
I drove more than an hour into the city, stopped my car in front of a tall office building and went up to the top floor. I was scheduled to have a meeting there.
In the luxurious office, I passed the thumb drive to a secretary who projected the contents onto a screen. At this point, I only knew that it was a project that I was collaborating with a multinational company. I owned the land and would only authorize its use for the project if the company abided by my terms. I read the contents of the contract, but the terms were not what we had agreed prior to the meeting. I removed the stack of papers from my envelope and told them that I would only sign the contract if they abided by the previously agreed terms. They were reluctant but still signed in the end. Despite my relatively young age, I knew that I was highly intelligent and mature.
After the meeting, I drove to a pet shop to buy dog food and a dog bed, then to the pharmacist for more dressing supplies, and finally more groceries and food to bribe my housekeeper to take care of the puppy should I be away.
I reached home, checked on the puppy to clean and dress his wound again. I fed him with some dog food and placed him into his new dog bed. Finishing my tasks, I grabbed a cold beer from the fridge and went outside. I sat down on a deck chair which was under the shade of the neighboring forest trees. Behind me in the barn, I heard the puppy gave a little bark. Smiling to myself, I got up to bring the dog bed next to my chair. The puppy seemed to enjoy being near me, and he promptly fell asleep. I leaned back into the chair, stretched myself, and crossed my legs at my ankles. I drank a mouthful of cold beer, admiring the glistening sunlight, its warmth, the coolness of the beer down my throat, the companionship of the puppy, and the sounds and smells of nature, all at the same time. It felt wonderful to fully experience the moment.
Some time passed before I heard a shout from the housekeeper that there was a call for me. I went inside and picked up the phone. I focused my mind in my meditative state, but could not make out the contents of the conversation that ensued.
The next morning, I drove into the city again, and went into another office. It turned out that the call yesterday was from the law firm who was managing my trust fund to set up various charitable foundations. I was young, but extremely wealthy. The team updated me of the projects that they had funded and also presented new projects for my approval. I signed my approval, and told them that I wanted a new project to help care for stray dogs. They nodded their heads and told me that they would inform me again once the project was ready for approval.
Back home, I informed the housekeeper that I would be going away for a trip next week, and would have to trouble her to take care of the puppy. Despite her apparent disapproval of stray animals, I knew she had a good heart and the puppy would be in good hands.
The next morning, I put on my running gear and went jogging in the woods behind the house. I was familiar with the trail, and it appeared that this was my routine daily activity. I jogged for half an hour deep into woods, and finally reached an open area where there was a beautiful stream. This was one of my favorite spots, and the tranquility of nature never failed to rejuvenate and refresh me. I felt present. The forest was the reason I chose to stay in such a remote area.
Over the next few days, with no further meetings, I resumed my daily morning jog, and cared for the puppy. He was healing fast, and the wound had closed up nicely.
The week passed. I set out for my trip. I drove to the airport, flew to another city, rented a car and drove to an orphanage. It was a trip to check out anonymously whether the team was managing my projects properly. I pretended to be lost and the caretakers at the orphanage took good care of me. I learnt that they had a sponsor who had been donating monies to keep the orphanage afloat. The children looked happy, except for a teenage girl and young boy. I was told that they were siblings and the girl would be sixteen soon, and those above sixteen would have to leave the orphanage. However, her brother was still young at six years old, and they were very close, and she did not want to leave him behind.
Over the next two to three weeks, I flew to different countries to check out the status of my projects and was happy that the team was doing its job well.
I drove back home from the airport, and when I reached home, the puppy, now bigger, raced out of the barn and greeted me happily. I could not make out his breed and he was likely a stray dog. Despite my absence, he recognized me and licked me on my face when I bent down to pat him and inspect his wound. He was well now, and even the housekeeper had grown fond of him.
I called the team and told them to change the management rule of the orphanage such that the siblings could choose to stay together at the orphanage even if one of them was older than sixteen years old.
The last scene I experienced was me lying on my deck chair, the puppy curled up at my feet, enjoying the afternoon sun…
I focused my mind, but the story seemed to have ended there. It has been a long meditation session thus far, and I was beginning to get tired. however, I had not made out the message behind this lengthy and detailed session and I willed myself to persevere on in my focused state. I took a deep breath and visualized myself back at my healing forest. I sought out the help of my spirit guide and Tom, my spirit guide, appeared. He told me that we would be observing the happenings from now on, rather than experiencing it as the first person.
We saw that the young man went to attend another meeting at the multinational company. This time there were many participants and the plan was presented to the whole group. However, it was different from what was agreed. I could vaguely make out that it was an environmental project that the young man had designed. Without his approval, the company had changed different aspects to make it more commercially profitable but less environmentally beneficial. Despite pressure from the opposing side, he pointed out all the divergent aspects and stated that he would not proceed with authorization of the land use for the project unless they were corrected. Then he left the room. I commented to Tom that he had principles and guts.
Since he was in town, he decided to make an impromptu visit to his management team for an update on the stray dog project. They told him they had located a suitable site, that had already housed it first occupants. He got the address from them, and drove there.
There was a lady vet who was checking the stray dogs. The team had updated her of his visit hence she was not surprised. She was an attractive lady in her early thirties, and she showed him around the site. He asked if there was any dog who was prepared to be housed as he wanted a companion for his dog. She nodded eagerly and brought him a little poodle who had just completed his quarantine and was waiting for a new home. He thanked the vet and brought the poodle home. On his way back, he bought more dog food and another dog bed.
Over time, Tom and I saw that the two dogs became best friends, and would join him for his daily jog in the woods.
A few months later, the poodle fell sick. He contacted the vet and she said she would wait for him in her hospital as it was late in the evening. He drove there and it turned out the poodle needed to be observed overnight at the vet facility. Thankfully, it was a minor condition and the next day, the poodle was discharged. He thanked the vet. There was obvious interest from the vet, and I saw that he hesitated for a moment to ask her out for coffee but somehow, he did not do so in the end. I asked Tom why had he chosen to remain single despite his eligible status. Tom simply signaled me to watch on.
The years passed, and as his wealth grew, so did his philanthropic acts. Under his watchful eye, the environmental projected that he designed and was carried out by the multinational company was a huge success.
However, he remained single and never married. He spent most of his time in solitude, yet he never felt lonely. He lived in the moment, was kind and sincere to everyone he met, and contributed to the lives of millions he never met.
I asked Tom if this was the life of someone who was actually living on Earth now? Or did I have a glimpse into the past or future? Tom did not shed any light to my query. Why had I been able to experience his life in his body then? Tom reminded me of my wish. I realized that I had just “lived” the life of the most spiritually awakened person on Earth for one month (era unknown), despite the fact that the process was carried out in my meditative state.
Tom said, "After the soul is released from each physical form, it returns to its spiritual home. In this state, there is only Now. The more evolved a soul is, the greater its ability to exhibit its soul characteristics, such as living in the moment, even when it is inhabiting the human form. The first scene where you were driving in the car, the interactions with the puppy, the jogs in the forest, and the moments on the deck chair that you had visualized through his life were all experiences of living in the moment. in addition, he embodied qualities of kindness, compassion, humility, love and appreciation of nature, and displayed relentless efforts in bettering the state of Earth and its occupants, as well as the generation of positive connections with others. These are all marks of a highly evolved soul."
I thanked Tom for his explanation and repeated my earlier query. I was puzzled why had he chosen to remain single despite his eligible status.
Tom smiled and replied, "You noticed earlier that there was a moment where he could have asked the vet out and that choice would have led to their eventual marriage. However, he made a conscious choice not to do so, as he knew that being single would enable him to achieve more in this lifetime than if he were to be married. He had previously experienced the joys and challenges of marriage and parenthood in many of his past lives, and in this life, he had chosen to focus his efforts on the betterment of the state of Earth.
Moreover, this solitary lifetime has contributed to his soul's evolution by allowing him to fully grasp the difference between solitude and loneliness. In moments of solitude, he immersed himself into experiencing Now, as opposed to many less evolved souls who choose to see such moments as loneliness and therefore seek to escape from Now with distractions.
Hence, the difference between solitude and loneliness is whether one embraces the moment or chooses to run away from it. The line between solitude and loneliness may appear deceptively thin, but the effects of choosing one state over the other are vastly disparate."
My meditation session ended. Through this interesting metaphorical journey, I learned experientially what Tom wanted to show me. It was a most insightful session, and a powerful reminder that I should choose wisely between whether to experience solitude or loneliness in the many silent moments of my life.
I enjoyed the movie tremendously, and afterwards, a question popped into my mind, “If I have the chance to lead the life of anyone else on Earth, whose life would I choose to experience? Someone rich and powerful? The happiest person in the world? The most beautiful? The richest?” My imagination ran wild as I allowed myself to answer the question honestly and freely. However, none of the above felt right. The answer came to my mind and I knew without a doubt that if I had the chance to lead the life of anyone on Earth for one month, I would choose to lead the life of the most spiritually awakened person, whoever he or she might be. I yearned to see our world through his/her eyes and to fully experience life in an awakened state. What would it feel like? Would I change for the better after this experience?
I closed my eyes and commenced meditation (our meditation technique is described in detail in this article here).
The scene in my mind soon transformed...
I was now driving on a long, narrow road. To my surprise, I was seated on the left side of the car, in contrast to my current place of residence in real life where drivers were seated on the right. The window next to me was wound down. My right hand was on the steering wheel, and I rested my head on my left arm which was propped against the open window, enjoying the cool breeze. I felt vividly alive and was fully immersed in the moment.
Some time passed before I realized that I was a tall lanky Caucasian man in my late twenties, dressed in a white t-shirt and faded blue jeans. I looked into the side mirror and saw that I had clean-cut features and short, thick blonde hair. The car I was driving appeared well-used.
Suddenly, I noticed a brown object in the middle of the road. I narrowed my eyes for a clearer look, as I slowed down my car to a stop. It was a wounded puppy! There was a nasty gash across the right side of its abdomen, and the blood was already dried. It seemed like he was hit at least a few hours ago. Thankfully he was still alive. I retrieved a blanket from my car and gently lifted the puppy onto the blanket, and carried him onto the passenger seat.
I drove on for a while before I turned right into a narrow dirt road bordered by tall trees. It appeared that I stayed in a secluded area. Finally, I reached the end of the road. Before me was a modest house in the middle of an open area, surrounded by pristine forest. I shouted out to someone that I was home, unloaded the groceries I bought from the back seat of the car, and brought them into the kitchen. It turned out that I stayed with a housekeeper, who was a plump, motherly lady in her fifties. I grabbed the first aid kit, and told her that I would join her for dinner later.
I bundled the puppy with the blanket and carried him into the barn. I laid him down on a table, inspected the wounds and the rest of his body. I proceeded to clean up the wound with antiseptic wash. He whined but did not move much. Luckily the wound was not too deep and there were no other visible injuries. I trimmed the hair around the wound, applied some antibiotic cream and dressing to it. The puppy opened his eyes, and I patted his head. I cupped some water in my right hand and held my hand near to its mouth. He licked the water gratefully. I placed him gently on a mat on the floor and positioned a bowl of water near him, then I asked the housekeeper for some meat and placed it next to his water.
After dinner with my housekeeper, I had a bath and sat down at my desk to do some work. My room was small with a single-sized bed, a wooden desk and a modest wardrobe. There was only a laptop on my otherwise bare desk. Minimalism was my style, it seemed. I starting working briskly on my laptop, concentrating intensely on my work. However, the contents of what I was doing were unclear to me.
It was bedtime. I thought of the little puppy and gathered he must be frightened to be alone in a strange place by himself. Knowing that the housekeeper did not like stray animals in the house, I brought him back into my room stealthily and made a spot for him at the end of my bed. He licked my hand and snuggled into the warmth of his blanket.
The next morning, I placed him back into the barn before the housekeeper could nag at me. I dressed up in a suit, grabbed an envelope with a stack of papers in it and dropped a thumb drive into the envelope. They appeared to be related to the work I was doing last night.
I drove more than an hour into the city, stopped my car in front of a tall office building and went up to the top floor. I was scheduled to have a meeting there.
In the luxurious office, I passed the thumb drive to a secretary who projected the contents onto a screen. At this point, I only knew that it was a project that I was collaborating with a multinational company. I owned the land and would only authorize its use for the project if the company abided by my terms. I read the contents of the contract, but the terms were not what we had agreed prior to the meeting. I removed the stack of papers from my envelope and told them that I would only sign the contract if they abided by the previously agreed terms. They were reluctant but still signed in the end. Despite my relatively young age, I knew that I was highly intelligent and mature.
After the meeting, I drove to a pet shop to buy dog food and a dog bed, then to the pharmacist for more dressing supplies, and finally more groceries and food to bribe my housekeeper to take care of the puppy should I be away.
I reached home, checked on the puppy to clean and dress his wound again. I fed him with some dog food and placed him into his new dog bed. Finishing my tasks, I grabbed a cold beer from the fridge and went outside. I sat down on a deck chair which was under the shade of the neighboring forest trees. Behind me in the barn, I heard the puppy gave a little bark. Smiling to myself, I got up to bring the dog bed next to my chair. The puppy seemed to enjoy being near me, and he promptly fell asleep. I leaned back into the chair, stretched myself, and crossed my legs at my ankles. I drank a mouthful of cold beer, admiring the glistening sunlight, its warmth, the coolness of the beer down my throat, the companionship of the puppy, and the sounds and smells of nature, all at the same time. It felt wonderful to fully experience the moment.
Some time passed before I heard a shout from the housekeeper that there was a call for me. I went inside and picked up the phone. I focused my mind in my meditative state, but could not make out the contents of the conversation that ensued.
The next morning, I drove into the city again, and went into another office. It turned out that the call yesterday was from the law firm who was managing my trust fund to set up various charitable foundations. I was young, but extremely wealthy. The team updated me of the projects that they had funded and also presented new projects for my approval. I signed my approval, and told them that I wanted a new project to help care for stray dogs. They nodded their heads and told me that they would inform me again once the project was ready for approval.
Back home, I informed the housekeeper that I would be going away for a trip next week, and would have to trouble her to take care of the puppy. Despite her apparent disapproval of stray animals, I knew she had a good heart and the puppy would be in good hands.
The next morning, I put on my running gear and went jogging in the woods behind the house. I was familiar with the trail, and it appeared that this was my routine daily activity. I jogged for half an hour deep into woods, and finally reached an open area where there was a beautiful stream. This was one of my favorite spots, and the tranquility of nature never failed to rejuvenate and refresh me. I felt present. The forest was the reason I chose to stay in such a remote area.
Over the next few days, with no further meetings, I resumed my daily morning jog, and cared for the puppy. He was healing fast, and the wound had closed up nicely.
The week passed. I set out for my trip. I drove to the airport, flew to another city, rented a car and drove to an orphanage. It was a trip to check out anonymously whether the team was managing my projects properly. I pretended to be lost and the caretakers at the orphanage took good care of me. I learnt that they had a sponsor who had been donating monies to keep the orphanage afloat. The children looked happy, except for a teenage girl and young boy. I was told that they were siblings and the girl would be sixteen soon, and those above sixteen would have to leave the orphanage. However, her brother was still young at six years old, and they were very close, and she did not want to leave him behind.
Over the next two to three weeks, I flew to different countries to check out the status of my projects and was happy that the team was doing its job well.
I drove back home from the airport, and when I reached home, the puppy, now bigger, raced out of the barn and greeted me happily. I could not make out his breed and he was likely a stray dog. Despite my absence, he recognized me and licked me on my face when I bent down to pat him and inspect his wound. He was well now, and even the housekeeper had grown fond of him.
I called the team and told them to change the management rule of the orphanage such that the siblings could choose to stay together at the orphanage even if one of them was older than sixteen years old.
The last scene I experienced was me lying on my deck chair, the puppy curled up at my feet, enjoying the afternoon sun…
I focused my mind, but the story seemed to have ended there. It has been a long meditation session thus far, and I was beginning to get tired. however, I had not made out the message behind this lengthy and detailed session and I willed myself to persevere on in my focused state. I took a deep breath and visualized myself back at my healing forest. I sought out the help of my spirit guide and Tom, my spirit guide, appeared. He told me that we would be observing the happenings from now on, rather than experiencing it as the first person.
We saw that the young man went to attend another meeting at the multinational company. This time there were many participants and the plan was presented to the whole group. However, it was different from what was agreed. I could vaguely make out that it was an environmental project that the young man had designed. Without his approval, the company had changed different aspects to make it more commercially profitable but less environmentally beneficial. Despite pressure from the opposing side, he pointed out all the divergent aspects and stated that he would not proceed with authorization of the land use for the project unless they were corrected. Then he left the room. I commented to Tom that he had principles and guts.
Since he was in town, he decided to make an impromptu visit to his management team for an update on the stray dog project. They told him they had located a suitable site, that had already housed it first occupants. He got the address from them, and drove there.
There was a lady vet who was checking the stray dogs. The team had updated her of his visit hence she was not surprised. She was an attractive lady in her early thirties, and she showed him around the site. He asked if there was any dog who was prepared to be housed as he wanted a companion for his dog. She nodded eagerly and brought him a little poodle who had just completed his quarantine and was waiting for a new home. He thanked the vet and brought the poodle home. On his way back, he bought more dog food and another dog bed.
Over time, Tom and I saw that the two dogs became best friends, and would join him for his daily jog in the woods.
A few months later, the poodle fell sick. He contacted the vet and she said she would wait for him in her hospital as it was late in the evening. He drove there and it turned out the poodle needed to be observed overnight at the vet facility. Thankfully, it was a minor condition and the next day, the poodle was discharged. He thanked the vet. There was obvious interest from the vet, and I saw that he hesitated for a moment to ask her out for coffee but somehow, he did not do so in the end. I asked Tom why had he chosen to remain single despite his eligible status. Tom simply signaled me to watch on.
The years passed, and as his wealth grew, so did his philanthropic acts. Under his watchful eye, the environmental projected that he designed and was carried out by the multinational company was a huge success.
However, he remained single and never married. He spent most of his time in solitude, yet he never felt lonely. He lived in the moment, was kind and sincere to everyone he met, and contributed to the lives of millions he never met.
I asked Tom if this was the life of someone who was actually living on Earth now? Or did I have a glimpse into the past or future? Tom did not shed any light to my query. Why had I been able to experience his life in his body then? Tom reminded me of my wish. I realized that I had just “lived” the life of the most spiritually awakened person on Earth for one month (era unknown), despite the fact that the process was carried out in my meditative state.
Tom said, "After the soul is released from each physical form, it returns to its spiritual home. In this state, there is only Now. The more evolved a soul is, the greater its ability to exhibit its soul characteristics, such as living in the moment, even when it is inhabiting the human form. The first scene where you were driving in the car, the interactions with the puppy, the jogs in the forest, and the moments on the deck chair that you had visualized through his life were all experiences of living in the moment. in addition, he embodied qualities of kindness, compassion, humility, love and appreciation of nature, and displayed relentless efforts in bettering the state of Earth and its occupants, as well as the generation of positive connections with others. These are all marks of a highly evolved soul."
I thanked Tom for his explanation and repeated my earlier query. I was puzzled why had he chosen to remain single despite his eligible status.
Tom smiled and replied, "You noticed earlier that there was a moment where he could have asked the vet out and that choice would have led to their eventual marriage. However, he made a conscious choice not to do so, as he knew that being single would enable him to achieve more in this lifetime than if he were to be married. He had previously experienced the joys and challenges of marriage and parenthood in many of his past lives, and in this life, he had chosen to focus his efforts on the betterment of the state of Earth.
Moreover, this solitary lifetime has contributed to his soul's evolution by allowing him to fully grasp the difference between solitude and loneliness. In moments of solitude, he immersed himself into experiencing Now, as opposed to many less evolved souls who choose to see such moments as loneliness and therefore seek to escape from Now with distractions.
Hence, the difference between solitude and loneliness is whether one embraces the moment or chooses to run away from it. The line between solitude and loneliness may appear deceptively thin, but the effects of choosing one state over the other are vastly disparate."
My meditation session ended. Through this interesting metaphorical journey, I learned experientially what Tom wanted to show me. It was a most insightful session, and a powerful reminder that I should choose wisely between whether to experience solitude or loneliness in the many silent moments of my life.
